The Cold
by RennaV
Summary: Neji catches a cold. What do Guy-sensei and Lee do? Try to make him feel better. A little bit of Neji X Tenten fluff. Guy and Lee craziness. Hiashi and Hinata make a brief appearance. Written for comedy purposes.


**The Cold**

 **Author's notes:** came to me during dinner. I'm not sure _where_ it came from but here we are. A bit of Neji X Tenten fluff. Guy's motivation noises come from one of the earlier Shippuden episodes. Just look up "Guy vs Neji: Staredown of Youth."

Enjoy. ;)

* * *

He was dying. No one came to his aid. It seemed like no one cared about the fact he was dying. Pity. They could at least acknowledge his death.

Neji coughed forcefully a few times and let out a grunt. His throat was dry, itchy, and sore. His nose was stuffed up to the point it made his sinuses ache from being so plugged. Even his eyes had been affected.

They kept watering and were red-rimmed as he hadn't slept much last night because he had been busy dying. Neji coughed again and groaned.

He kicked off the covers he had tugged around his body moments before because now he was too hot. Sweat rolled down his back and coated his entire body. He felt gross because of it but getting up meant his head would spin and he would fall over.

Neji grabbed a tissue from his bedside table and blew his nose. It made his head hurt and his nostrils tingle from the same action being repeated through the night over and over but at least he had _some_ ability to breath.

Neji dropped his used tissue onto the floor by the bed where a small pile of other tissues was located. He rolled onto his back in a spread-eagled position and stared at his ceiling. His headache didn't subside. Neji closed his eyes and moaned.

Maybe someone would hear his dying sounds and put him out of his misery. Neji coughed again and cursed his aching throat. He wanted something to drink but again getting up made him dizzy. He had tried getting up earlier in the morning and fallen over. He had barely made it to crawl back into bed never mind clawing back into bed.

No, getting up was not an option when he was dying.

"Neji-niisan?"

Neji opened his eyes and tilted his head to look at his door. Hinata-sama stood in the threshold of the doorway, blue-black hair still damp and hanging loose to her waist. Someone _had_ heard his death sounds.

"Hinata-sama, I'm dying," Neji said.

His nose was so clogged his words came out in a garbled mess but Hinata-sama seemed to understand. She inched into his room and blinked down at him. Neji coughed more because he couldn't help it but he did want to emphasize the fact he was dying.

"You're not dying, Neji-niisan," Hinata-sama said.

"Am too," Neji protested.

She giggled at him. Who knew Hinata-sama would be morbid enough to laugh at a man as he took his last breaths?

"You caught a cold," Hinata-sama said.

A cold? _He_ had caught _a cold_? Impossible.

"Impossible. I'm never sick," Neji said.

Hinata-sama chuckled at him again but put a hand to his bare forehead. He flinched but she simply held her hand there for a few minutes. She tsked.

"You're running a fever," Hinata-sama said.

"Because I'm dying," Neji told her.

She rolled her eyes at him. Hinata-sama strode towards his bathroom and came back with the waste bucket. She hummed then went back to his bathroom this time coming out with a surgical mask on her face and gloves on her hands.

She put his used tissues into the garbage then positioned the can by his side. Neji shivered and pulled the blankets around his body again as Hinata-sama went back to his bathroom. This time she came back with the basin he used to soak his feet in after a long day of training.

"In case you need to throw up," Hinata-sama said.

Neji blinked at her. He couldn't be _sick._ She left the room after taking off her gloves and mask. Neji wanted to activate Byakugan to see where she went but the walls in the compound were chakra treated so Byakugan wouldn't work on them.

Neji sighed and shifted until he lay on his side. He tugged his blankets around him like a cocoon. Maybe if he made a good enough cocoon he would go to sleep and evolve into something that wasn't dying.

Hinata-sama came back into the room and he stared at her. More tissue boxes, bottles of water, oranges, a steaming bowl of something, and a pill bottle took up the tray she held. Hinata-sama put the tissues within his reach on his bedside table.

The bottles of water were put within his reach on the floor, lining up along the drawer of his table. The bottle of pills went beside the tissues. She offered him the tray with the oranges and its steaming bowl of something.

"I'm dying, not hungry," Neji said.

Hinata-sama snorted at him but put the tray down. Neji yelped when she forced him onto his back then into a sitting up position. He had to be almost dead if Hinata-sama could move him.

"Here, drink this broth and eat the orange I brought you. It will make you feel better Neji-niisan," Hinata-sama said.

Neji opened his mouth to protest feeling better since no one "felt better" when dying but she stuck the spoon with broth in it into his mouth. He blinked at her. She smiled. Neji decided to have the broth.

The problem with sipping his broth was it made his nose leak. Hinata-sama offered him a tissue and he took it to blow his nose. It hurt but a lot more of the mucus and snot came out of his nose then before. Hm. Maybe the broth was a good idea.

Neji finished the broth and found he could almost breathe through his nose. Hinata-sama had peeled an orange and taken it apart slice by slice to pick off the rind. He popped a slice into his mouth and chewed. Hinata-sama giggled at him.

Perhaps he wasn't dying.

Meanwhile...

"Tenten! Where is our genius?"

Tenten looked up from sharpening her kunai and blinked at Guy-sensei. She pointed to Lee then realized something of vital importance. Lee stood alone in the middle of the training field looking as confused as she now felt.

"Um, no idea," Tenten said.

Guy-sensei hummed and rubbed his chin in thought. Neji hadn't mentioned having to do something besides train with them today. Ever since he had made jonin during the second chunin exams he had been busy.

It meant Tenten got to spend more time with Lee and Guy-sensei which she wasn't sure if she loved or hated yet. It had only been a few months after all.

"Disturbing. What would happen to our youthful genius that would make him miss training with our wonderful Lee?" Guy-sensei asked.

"Well, he's not on a mission," Tenten said.

Lee had come over by now and took the same thinking pose as Guy-sensei: feet shoulder width apart, left hand in a fist on one hip, right hand stroking his chin, eyes skyward, and a frown on his face. Tenten rubbed her temples.

"Maybe he has to train with Hinata-chan," Lee offered.

"No, Neji would have told us," Tenten said.

They both hummed. Tenten sighed but got to her feet. She didn't take their pose but did clench both her hands into fists and put them on her hips. She tilted her head to a side and considered.

Neji never missed training, especially with them. Sure, he had hated them all in the beginning but once Lee began to speed up and get stronger, Lee provided a welcome challenge to Neji. Hell, she gave him a challenge with her weapons. She was the sole reason he had learned to perfect his Revolving Heaven so quickly.

They always came onto the field to find him meditating under one of Tenten's beat up targets. She would wake him up by throwing various projectiles at the target. He would smirk, open his eyes, grab said weapons and walk over to her with a quiet good-morning.

She hadn't done all that this morning and it had been awkward. She had thought she had beat Neji to the field for once but now realized it was impossible. No one beat Hyuuga Neji to training. Well, except maybe Lee.

"Hm, well we have determined it is not a mission and he is not training with Hinata-chan," Lee said.

Lee gasped dramatically. Tenten raised an eyebrow.

"Guy-sensei! What if Neji's waiting for his hair to dry?"

Guy-sensei gasped at Lee. Tenten smacked her forehead then Lee. Lee fell into Guy-sensei who held him up and righted both of them.

"Idiot, he has towels," Tenten said.

Lee grinned. Guy-sensei nodded sagely. Tenten rubbed her temples again. Jeez. Why did Neji have to always leave her with these two?

"Maybe he's sick," Tenten said.

This had been the wrong suggestion to make. Lee and Guy-sensei inhaled spectacularly and stared at her in horror. Tenten blinked.

"Oh no! What illness has taken our genius from his Springtime of Youth?" Guy-sensei shouted.

Tenten opened her mouth then closed it. Nope. She wasn't going to bother to argue with these two this morning.

"Lee!"

"Guy-sensei!"

"We must locate Neji and cure whatever ails him so he can burn brightly in his Youth!"

"Yes! Guy-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Guy-sensei!"

"Lee!"

Cue the hugging complete with sunset, manly tears, and crashing waves. Tenten sighed and shook her head. She picked up her weapons as the two hugged it out and began walking to the Hyuuga Compound. With any luck she would get there before the two Green Beasts of Konoha realized she was gone.

* * *

Something crashed. Neji lifted his head from his cocoon of wonderfulness and blinked. He had to be so sick he was hallucinating. There was no way Guy-sensei and Lee had broken through his window wearing nurse aprons and hats.

"Neji," Guy-sensei shouted.

Nope. He wasn't having a sickness induced hallucination. Neji wanted to go back to dying in peace.

"We have come to aid you in your recovery so you may burn in your Springtime of Youth!"

Neji groaned and pulled his covers over his head. Maybe if he hid long enough Guy-sensei and Lee would forget why they had come. The covers came off his head a moment later and Neji stared into Guy-sensei and Lee's pinging smiles.

No such luck on hiding then.

Perhaps he could actually die? Nah. He liked living.

Guy-sensei pulled him into a sitting position then shoved a cup under his nose. Neji stared. In the cup was a thick _black_ bubbling substance. If Neji could smell it would probably be the foulest stench on the planet but Neji was thanking his clogged nose for once.

"Drink this! It will aid you," Guy-sensei said.

Neji doubted it.

He shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. He would glare but his eyes hurt too much for it. Pity. His headache had gone away with whatever pills Hinata-sama had given him.

"Hmmm," Guy-sensei said.

Guy-sensei began grunting and humming to pressure Neji into drinking the foul looking black stuff in the jar. He sounded as if he was constipated. Normally this tactic worked and Neji would give in after thirty seconds to get Guy-sensei to stop making the horrible noise.

This time Neji groaned, fell back into his pillows, and pulled his covers over his face.

"Hmmm?" Guy-sensei tried.

Neji coughed. He pushed one hand out from under his covers, patted around his bedside table a few times and found a box of tissue. He pulled one from the box and brought it back under the covers with him so he could blow his nose.

"Guy-sensei,"

"Yes, Lee?"

"Your motivational noises didn't work on Neji,"

"I know. He must be exceptionally ill,"

"What do we do, Guy-sensei?"

"Get him to drink this,"

Neji coughed. He held onto the covers Guy-sensei was trying to pull him from. Lee got into the action and Neji yelped as they pulled him right off the bed and onto the floor with a thunk. More thunks came from the direct vicinity and Neji looked up.

Tenten stood in his room now, panting, and eyes wide in rage. Neji angled his head and saw many sharp point objects embedded in the wall, his bedside table, and in a few tissue boxes. Neji looked back to Tenten from his position on his back.

Lee was right under him and Neji's head was awkwardly in Lee's lap. Lee held Neji's face in both hands, smushing his cheeks together with his legs wrapped around Neji's chest. Guy-sensei sat on Neji's waist, holding one of Neji's hands in one hand while holding up the foul stuff in the other and out of Neji's reach.

"What the HELL are you two doing to him? He's sick!"

Neji wanted to go back to dying. He coughed instead. Tenten made another sound of rage and more sharp pointy objects flew through the air. They all embedded themselves in the cup Guy-sensei was trying not to spill and the cup exploded. Guy-sensei wheezed radically as his "cure" exploded.

Tenten opened her mouth to start shouting, Lee opened his mouth to protest the cure being destroyed, Neji sneezed, and Guy-sensei opened his mouth to admonish Tenten. They all stopped when someone cleared their throat from Neji's now open door.

Neji tilted his head to see Hiashi-sama standing in the threshold of his doorway. One eyebrow was raised and Neji swore he spotted a smirk on Hiashi-sama's face. There was a senbon embedded in the frame of the door _close_ to Hiashi-sama's right ear.

"I do not wish to know," Hiashi-sama said.

With this, he left. Neji groaned and closed his eyes. Dying sounded great right about now.

A few days later...

Neji grinned as he pounded the training dummy with his Gentle Fist. The day was warm, the birds were singing, a cool breeze ruffled the grass at his feet. He could breathe, his eyes didn't hurt, and his throat was not trying to mimic Suna.

Neji felt great. After Tenten had made pincushions out of Lee and Guy-sensei, she had put him to bed and stayed by his side. She fed him broth, wiped sweat from his brow, rubbed medical cream on his chest to help his congestion, got water for him, and made sure he took the medicine Hinata-sama had left.

After three days Neji had woken up feeling amazing but slightly disturbed Tenten was not in the room with him. He had showered, dried off, cleaned up his room, and come to the training field where he had hoped to find her. She hadn't shown up yet but she would.

Neji gave the dummy a few more hits before sitting under one of Tenten's targets and closing his eyes to meditate. After half an hour the sound of a weapon hitting the target did not come. Another half hour went by and he heard Lee and Guy-sensei come onto the field.

Still no Tenten.

Neji opened his eyes and frowned. Lee and Guy-sensei were asking where Tenten was and wondering what had gotten into her. Neji hummed and got to his feet. He was gone before the two could look to him and get his opinion. They scratched their heads and went back to making up scenario after scenario of where Tenten would be.

Neji found her where he expected to: lying in her bed with a pile of used tissues beside her on the floor, blankets wrapped haphazardly around her, eyes red-rimmed, and moaning.

"Neji, I'm dying," Tenten said.

Her nose was so clogged it came out garbled but Neji understood. He pulled on a surgical mask and gloves before removing her used tissues. Neji went about getting bottles of water, broth, a waste bucket, and more tissues. He put a trap on the window to prevent Lee and Guy-sensei from bursting in then found a chair.

"I know, I was dying before but you brought me back. Here, take this pill. I'll make sure you stop dying," Neji said.

Tenten smiled at him and did as she was told. Neji brushed back the bangs from her forehead when she was done and helped her sit up so she could have the broth. She wouldn't die on his watch.

* * *

Reviews welcome.


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